WISH-RATHER-IF ONLY

We use the verb “wish” to talk about present and past regrets. Wish is used with the past simple to express regrets and desires about the present, which could still happen or come true For example:

Subject + WISH (desire) +. Clause (regret)

Simple past.

I wish I  earned more money.

The past simple is used here to talk about the present.

We can use wish + past simple to talk about things that we would like to be different in the present or future (but which are very unlikely or impossible).

1.1. Wish and PAST PERFECT, “Wish” is used with the past perfect to talk about regrets about the past. This form is used when it is too late for the wish to come true for example:

He is very tired He wishes he had gone to bed earlier.

My car’s useless! I wish I hadn’t bought such an old one.

Jo is really bored She wishes she had gone out with her friends and family.

1.2. IF ONLY We can use IF only instead of Wish to mean the same. The only difference is that if only is more emphatic.

• If only I was/were a  bit taller!
• If only you. Had followed my advice.
• If only you would make a good effort. You are wasting your life!

Note: that we can use were instead of was with I/She/He after I wish/if only.

1.1. Would rather/sooner and PAST SIMPLE, We use past simple to refer to the present of future. for example:

We’d rather/sooner She was/were with us now.

She’d rather/sooner I picked her up after lunch.

Would you rather/sooner we went by bus or by car?

1.2. Would rather/sooner and PAST PERFECT, We use past simple to refer to the past. for example:

I’d rather/sooner you hadn’t spoken to his like that

I’d rather/sooner you had called me before.

Would you rather/sooner we had gone with you?

1.1. We can use it’s time or it’s high time followed by subject and past simple to say something should be done now or in the future. for example:

It’s time you went to the dentist.

I really think it’s high time you made a good decision. We can’t wait.

We can also use the alternatives it’s time + to infinitive or it’s time for someone + to infinitive.

It’s time for you  to go to the doctor.

It’s time to make a decision.

• RECOGNIZING UNREAL PAST IN THEORY

The past tenses are sometimes used in English to refer to an unreal situation. So, although the verb tense is in the past, we are talking about something that didn’t happen. This is often the case in conditional sentences when we are talking about a hypothetical situation that might exist now or at any time. We call this use of the past tense “unreal past”.

Wishes. The verb to wish is used with the unreal past when we want to talk about situations in the present that are not happy about but cannot change.

THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH FAILURE

By Selin Malkoc

(I) Chances are you've failed at something in your life. But that doesn't mean it has to be for nothing. Failure is a part of life, and we make mistakes pretty much every day. How do we cope? Or better yet, how should we cope? Academics and the mainstream media tend to offer a simple solution: Don’t let it get to you and think about how things could have been worse. These self-protective thoughts usually make you feel better. You move on. But is it possible that popular wisdom is missing a bit of the puzzle? Does setting aside the negative emotions make you any less likely to repeat the mistake? Noelle Nelson, Baba Shiv and I decided to explore possible upsides of feeling bad about failure.

(II) Feeling the pain

Even though they’re unpleasant, we feel negative emotions for a reason: They likely played an important role in human evolution and survival. Negative emotions tell us to pay attention, signaling that something’s wrong — with our body, with our environment, with our relationships. So if you avoid negative emotions, you also might be avoiding the thing that needs your attention. Could deciding to focus on the negative emotions associated with failure lead to thoughts about self-improvement — and, with time, actual improvement? We designed a series of experiments to test this question. In the studies, we used something called a two-stage paradigm: First participants attempted a task in which they failed; then — after series of unrelated tasks — they would have the opportunity to redeem themselves. In one, we asked our participants to search the internet for the lowest price for a particular blender brand and model (with the possibility of winning a cash price if they were successful). In reality, the task was rigged. At the end, the participants were simply told that the lowest price was US$3.27 less than what they had found. We then asked half the participants to focus on their emotional response to having failed, while the other half were instructed to focus on their thoughts about how they did. Then we asked them to reflect, in writing, on how they felt.

(III) After a few unrelated tasks, we gave the participants a chance to redeem themselves. In this seemingly unrelated task, we told participants to imagine that they were going to the birthday of a friend who wanted a book as a gift. We also told them that the book they find should be a bargain. We found that participants who were previously instructed to focus on the negative emotions following their failure in the blender task, spent nearly 25 percent more time searching for a low-priced book than those who had been instructed to focus on their thoughts.

(IV) When we examined the written responses, we also found some important differences.Those who had focused on their failure — rather than dwelling on how they felt — tended to have defensive responses: “I didn’t care much about this anyway”; “It would have been impossible to find that price” In contrast, the participants who had spent time parsing their emotions, produced thoughts oriented toward self-improvement: “If I’d only searched longer, I would have found that price”; “I gave up too quickly.” Not all mistakes are the same. It appears that focusing on the emotions of failure can trigger different thoughts and behaviors. Perhaps when you reflect on how bad you feel after failing, it motivates you to avoid experiencing that feeling again.

________________________

"The best way to deal with failure" by Selin Malkoc, The Ohio State University, October 24, 2017.

Copyright © The Conversation 2017, CC-BY-ND.

Unless otherwise noted, this content is licensed under the CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 license

DK Publishing, First American Edition. (2016). English for everyone English grammar guide. Diane Hall British English and Susan Bardun American English.

Raymond Murphy. (2015) Essential grammar in use. Cambridge University Press.

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• Practice exercise written by Jose Luis Alatorre Patiño_Language ENES-LEON UNAM
• Practice exercise written by Jose Luis Alatorre  ENES-LEON UNAM